GIRLS RITUALS is a band created by none other than DEVI MCCALLION. In this shrine, I will also be including works from her other bands and/or projects, such as MOM, CATS MILLIONAIRE, YELLOW BILE, et cetera, et cetera. I urge you to check out her music, you can find most of it here.
It's somewhere, someplace in 2016. A girl is singing to you through the computer. She sings about love and pain. Her voice brings you to want to headbang while simultaneously suffering a pitiful, dissociative episode. It's like Talkshow Boy but after a transformative journey through transgenderism and electronic pop.
The first time I heard Devi's sweet, sweet voice, I believe I hated it. It was nothing like I ever heard, and I wasn't exactly open to new experiences, being a closeted, undiagnosed tween with a boatload of complexes. But for some reason, after the song had ended, I hit replay. And then I did it again. And then I kept coming back to it. And then it got stuck in my head. I was angry about it, but the more I feverishly listened, the more I grew to love the music. It wasn't long before I was forever changed into a groupie.
"Sugarpool" by Mom was that first song. And now I consider it to be one of my favorites of Devi's long list of released music. It's a song about love, something that is terribly over-milked in the music industry, but it provides a fresh outlook; a person so overwhelmed in their endless affection of their muse that they've become a complete mess; a dependent, mewling kitten forever chasing after a teat. It's incredibly endearing and relatable (especially to tween me who was in the midsts of a crush) and just straight up cute.
The relatability factor of Devi's music is perhaps one of the biggest reasons I keep listening. From anxiety to psychosis, and from love to hatred, Devi encapsulates the mindset of a transgender, disabled life so perfectly.
IT FEELS LIKE I'M UNDERWATER
NOT CONTENT TO DO WHATEVER
I HATE EVERY LITTLE CHOICE I'VE MADE
SO I'VE GOT NO CHOICE BUT TO KEEP MOVING FORWARD
One of the more spotlighted songs, and for good reason, "Bloodeater" is more of a much needed cry than a song. A vent of frustration and sadness. The singer describes their seemingly stuck place in life while continously making references to blood and a "bloodeater". I still don't understand what a bloodeater is, but if I were to take a guess, I'd say the bloodeater is capitalist society. A beast never satisfied, especially with those who are not able bodied and well-minded. But I think the bloodeater could very well be whatever the listener interprets it to be; perhaps a person, perhaps a mental illness... who really knows. I think the fact is we all have a bloodeater chasing us.
The fact I found Devi's work at one of the peaks of my psychotic delusions was maybe not a coincidence. Devi herself has referenced her own psychotic experiences in her songs, such as in her and Rook's song "Thoughts & Prayers" on their WASTEISOLATION album.
You cannot know this / You cannot pretend to be close with me / psychosis batters at your worldview and 'nosis
I think a song that perfectly sums up (my, at least) paranoia is her song "QUIET (Part 2)". As she sings about screaming and Hell, she begins to repeat over and over in a sing-songy voice "everybody just wants me to kill myself" followed by "a dozen people stalking me, like I give a fuck about". Hearing this song for the first time, it didn't really resonate yet. Although I suffered from delusions, my paranoia was laying dormant during that period in time. But months would pass, and I would finally understand just what she was singing about. I believed the world was out to get me, that my friends and family were lying to me, and that I was going to be killed one way or another, whether driven to suicide or murdered brutally. Paranoia isn't very covered in music, as psychosis itself is not marketable in it's disabilities, so the fact me and other's can feel represented through music is pretty groundbreaking. So, thank you Devi.
That's where I leave for now, writing this was a journey of it's own, as I revisited a lot of music I hadn't listened to in a bit. I'll probably add more at some point, but I just wanted to get my appreciation of Devi and her work out there, and possibly open some doorways for people to her music. Seriously, go check it out!