May 21st, 2019

2001 - 2019

Abby, Abigail, Abby Baby, Princess, Wife (yes), Grandma, Old Lady, et cetera... You had many names. I even enjoyed calling you 'Rat' from time to time; your face was so rodent-like to me (in a cute way!).

Among your various nicknames, you also had many personalities.. sometimes you were as sweet as the Spring air, other times you were as grouchy as an old widow. As playful as a fox, or as lazy as a bear, it didn't change how much I absolutely loved and depended on you.

A little bit after you left me, I came home with McDonald's and suddenly found myself depressed: the last time I had gotten the fast food, you had broken into the bag and managed to pull out my nuggets and fries, even chewing a dent in one bit of the small poultry. Something that previously pissed me off was now so endearing and sweet. I missed you.

Although you were pretty snooty most of the time, little things you did showed me just how much you loved me back. Crawling into my bed in the wee hours of the morning to sit right next to my face, running to me whenever I would cry or be in pain, waiting out terrible situations with me... You loved a human, a creature inherently cruel and mysterious, and that human thanks you.

The fact you held onto life all throughout that dark, awful night, and stayed awake til the morning just to see me one more time... I kissed you on the head and got up to get ready for school, and the next thing I knew, I was told you died right after. I'll never forget that.

Burying you was one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I knew I had to be the one to do it. Watching you in pain and confusion was hard, but feeling the stiffness of your body and the lifelessness of your weight still brings tears to my eyes whenever I think about it. I buried you like I buried Shelby, in a remote spot in nature. She was buried in an ivy garden, you next to a coarsing river. I think it's fitting, in the end.

I'm agnostic at my best, but one of the thoughts that really helped me cope in the days and weeks after you died was imagining you in some sort of kitty heaven. Seeing the image of you sprinting across a field, Shelby at your side, happily chattering about your dear owner... it lightens my heart.

If there is some sort of afterlife for me in the end, I hope to see you again. I like to think maybe Mom is taking care of you; that you're both waiting for me.

Thank you for everything.